It's a new year, but we still have the same lingering problem - how do we find balance in mother(mrs)hood?
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Have you ever tried juggling? Throwing multiple objects into the air while simultaneously trying to catch and release each one as they fall. When done correctly, it is a captivating balance of coordination, patience, speed, and accuracy. When done incorrectly, it is just a BIG mess!
Balancing mother(mrs)hood can feel a lot like that - incorrect juggling. No matter how hard we try to keep all of our roles (mom, wife, daughter, employee, etc.) in perfect balance, we end up dropping one if not ALL of our balls. I mean really, how do you balance:
Having kids that need you and finding time for yourself?
Taking care of your family/home while also working full time?
Your relationship with your significant other and your kids?
Just thinking about the list of things that we need to give 100% to all day, everyday, I have to say - finding balance seems impossible. And let me fill you in on a little secret, IT IS! You, unfortunately, can't do it all. No one can. It is physically impossible to give all of ourselves to every responsibility, relationship, & commitment in our lives. That's not how mother(mrs)hood or life works.
Luckily, there is HOPE though! Instead of "perfectly" balancing mother(mrs)hood, let's reshape our thinking and dive into how we can best MANAGE it.
Tip #1 - Give yourself grace & let go
First - stop, take a breath, and give yourself some grace. That's right ladies, I am giving you permission to actually stop for a second & just breathe. You are doing AMAZING!! I don't know about you, but coming to the realization that neither I nor anyone else (regardless of what social media may make us think) can do it all perfectly was so up-lifting. It allowed me to let go of this false image of what mother(mrs)hood was supposed to look like & focus on prioritizing the things that mattered.
You can do the same - sit down and think about what your priorities are. Figure out what you absolutely have to do and what matters most to you. Feel free to even write them down somewhere. For example, you have to feed your children. That doesn't mean that it has to be completely organic, made from scratch, and perfectly plated every meal (unless you want it to be). See, the best part about being an adult is autonomy. You get to decide what matters to you and let go of what doesn't. Personally, I prioritize having a clean sink before going to bed at night, so sometimes I have to sacrifice "me time" after my son goes to sleep to get the dishes done and put away. Whatever your priorities are, know that they can and will change. Some days you might decide to go grab food instead of cooking for your family, like you normally do, or you may choose to read your toddler a book instead of folding a load of laundry. That's okay! Breathe, give yourself grace, decide what your priorities are, and let a few things go. It will help take a HUGE weight off of your shoulders when you realize and accept that you don’t have to do it all.
Tip #2 - Decide what success looks like to YOU
At the end of the day - what things make you feel like you did a "job well done?" A clean house? A fed baby? A husband who loves you? A completed workout? As a mom/Mrs, we need to decide what boxes in our lives need to be checked daily to make us feel successful & what actions need to be accomplished to check those boxes. Let's use a "clean house" as an example. If having a clean house is important to you and makes you feel successful, think about "how clean." I know for me, having vacuumed floors, a dish free sink, and a living room that is straightened up makes me feel like my house is "clean." So, I make sure those things get done daily. It's those small victories in a day that make us feel successful without slipping into the mindset that we should have done more. Remember, you define your own success.
“Define success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you’re proud to live.” ― Anne Sweeney
Tip #3 - Find shortcuts
The word shortcut sometimes gets a bad wrap. It is seen as "slacking," when in actuality, it is just finding small ways to help you save time and energy. Our world is full of ways to simplify our lives. Why not put them into practice? Here are a few of my favorites:
Kroger Clicklist
Grocery shopping, especially with little ones, can take a LONG time. Kroger Clicklist allows me to create my shopping list from my couch, select a pickup date and time window, & then someone will DO MY SHOPPING FOR ME! They even bring all the items to my car and load them into my trunk. Doesn't get much better than that! What a great way to save time, energy, and sanity when I have a lot on my plate.
To save me time and energy, I also regularly use my Crockpot and Instant Pot to have dinner ready ON TIME! I can quickly dump my ingredients into my crockpot in the morning & allow my dinner to be passively cooking for me all day - hallelujah! It's like my own personal chef - minus a smidge of prep work. If you would rather cook closer to dinner time, but at lightning speed, use the Instant Pot. It can cook chicken in about 20 minutes! Both are great options for people who want to eat home cooked meals, but don't have a lot of extra time to spare in the evenings. Visit Pinterest.com for lots of delicious and easy recipes!
My dark laminate floors are a nightmare to keep clean! You can see every speck of dust! Once a day my eufy robot vaccuum vacuums our main living area & she is a life saver! I don’t have to worry about adding sweeping to my to do list daily - eufy has that covered!
Tip #4 - Accept Help
I personally struggle with this tip the most - accepting help from others. There have been so many times where my husband and/or a family member has offered to: help with the baby, fold laundry, do the dishes, etc. Being type AAA, my brain says, "thanks for the offer, but you won't be able to do it the way I do..." HOW DUMB! Let go & accept the help! Let them take something off your plate. You'll thank me later!
Tip #5 - Make it FUN!
Mother(mrs)hood comes with a lot of responsibility and involves doing a lot of the same things over and over. Sometimes it can feel like our lives are on a constant repeating loop - hello groundhogs day! It may not feel like it in the moment, but those little tasks are the things that we'll look back and miss one day. Try your best to find the JOY in the grind and don't forget to have FUN!
Play your favorite music while you clean the kitchen, reward yourself with a glass of wine after your toddler refused bedtime for 30+ minutes, or set a chore aside for the day to play a game instead. One of my favorites is making diaper changes a challenge - how quickly can I do them while my toddler flings his body in every direction imaginable (haha)!
We all have a lot that we are trying to juggle. No matter what stage of life we’re in, we’re all just trying to learn how to manage it all - not perfectly might I add. So instead of trying to do everything, pause, give yourself grace and let a few things go. Then, define what success means to you, find shortcuts, accept help, and HAVE FUN! You're doing better than you know. You've got this!
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